Day 8- A Blank Canvas

      I have loved art all growing up, whether it was finger painting or doing a charcoal drawing. I recently was able to purchase some canvases for new art projects, and came to a realization. I am a blank canvas, at one point I was, not as much any more though. I have gone through rough patches in life where I doubted a large amount of what I thought I had known. these rough patches added blacks, grays, and dark browns to my canvas. They were splotched on the canvas in spots I couldn't see. I had felt lost, lonely, and extremely sad at times: those were the times that dark purple and rich blues were added to my canvas.
      My canvas at this point looks dark, and sad. There seems to be no joy or clarity at this point, but I continue to think. I start to look through my acrylic paints and see that there still are more colors. Some green starts to appear on my canvas as I think of the times I struggled but found a way to triumph over the trials. Lighter shades of green are added as I continue to ponder about the times I have had with friends. I realized that I had struggled with friends my whole life. I had always claimed my cousin to be my best friend, but even then there were issues. Slowly over the years I became better friends with those around me and had emerged from the dark green hues, to brighter hues starting to border the yellows.
      The canvas starts to get brighter as I continue to think. Yellows and oranges are added as I think of all the happy times in my life where even in the dark moments of my life there was joy. Every time I cried, and a little bit of white and light blue was added on top of the dark spots, because in those moments I was finding clarity in my own mind. The joy and happiness usually came after I had found some clarity. Red became a large proportion of my canvas for a while because of the anger I was feeling. Some days I was angry with God, my friends, teachers, but a lot of the time I was angry with myself because of how I had reacted in a situation and many other reasons.
     Lately my canvas has been black, grays, browns, dark purple, deep blues, and alot of red. I honestly was so focused on what was happening within me to not look beyond myself. I would cry as I tried to find clarity, but was so distracted that it never came. My heart felt like a black hole with no end to what was happening. I focused on school work while I could, but after a while my energy was so drained that  I felt as if I was glazing over everything to a point that I would not see through the glaze on my canvas.
      Sometimes we have to go through the difficult times to find our start again. When I look at my canvas currently the colors underneath the glaze are now shadows and I am starting out with an almost clean canvas. The things in my past are still there as shadows to remind me of what I have gone through, and can grow from. I am adding brighter blues, and even more greens as I struggle with the past but overcome the trials one at a time. I am beginning to see a a little forest glade where the shadows of my past are the foreshadows of my future where flowers can bloom on my canvas. Your canvas will never be completely white like it was when your life began, but you can always start over. You have the power within yourself to create and be what ever you want. Never let others and especially YOURSELF get you down. You have the power to paint your own masterpiece.

Day 7: One-up-ing

How many of us have a friend or sibling that is constantly trying to be right? We all have someone like that don't we. The hardest part is realizing that they are calling for attention or help, and they are not always trying to hurt us. we have to listen to what they are saying, and not just that it is "more important" than what we say. we all need someone to listen to us. Take a few minutes to listen to what others have to say. Those who one up may not have very many friends, so try to listen and understand what they are saying. Be patient with them because it will take time for you to begin to be understood by them. we first have to understand to then be understood by the others in our lives.

Day 6: Christmas

One of the best Christmas presents I have received in a long time was the gift one of my older sisters  gave me this Christmas. Most of my family knew what I was getting, so they were super excited for me to open it. What my family didn't expect was everyone else's reactions to MY reaction. By the time I had fully unwrapped the gift and held it in front of my face; not only was I crying, but SEVEN other family members were teared up too (including two brother-in laws and my DAD!) Last summer (2012) my grandpa Whitlock passed away. I kept my suffering silent for a LONG time. Around Christmas time last year life didn't seem bearable anymore and I was ready to end it. This past summer (2013) I got some help in the process of getting through the grieving process. I dearly missed my Grandpa and still have a hard time with it all. My older sister got my younger sister and my parents in on gathering things for the gift. My younger sister sorted through all the pictures my mom had saved over the years, and had my dad scan them into the computer. My dad sent the pictures to my older sister and she picked the one's she thought would be good. Today I opened a box that had the lyrics to the song "In Your Arm's" by Silent Force, and a blanket. This was not just any blanket, it was a blanket that had pictures of me and my grandpa having fun. The pictures varied in age, but each one was special. I am so grateful for this blanket because it is my "hug from grandpa". Life definitely will be tough, but i have one more thing to help me get through it. Not that I haven't loved all my Christmas gift's, but this one is THE BEST GIFT I have gotten in my life(to this point, and probably for a long time). 

day 5: hot chocolate and blankets

          On a cold (or sad) day, a cup of hot chocolate can make you feel better. It warms you from the inside out. A blanket is almost the same, but it warms you from the outside in. A friend can do the same thing just by their words/ small acts of kindness. I am lucky enough to have many of these friends who have done all of the above. I decided to go to a football game the other night with a very dear friend. It was really cold, and I had been kinda sad that day, so we grabbed some blankets and a few other friends.  We got to the game and my dear friend sat close to me. He kept me warm with his kind words, sweet and very simple actions. He made sure I had a blanket covering me so I stayed warm, and at when we had to leave the game he bought me a cup of hot chocolate.
          I love having this friend around, and when it was time to leave to take him home I didn't want to have to. We drove to his house slowly, but in enough time for his curfew. We walked to his door and tried to put off saying good bye. He gave me a sweet, sincere, safe, and very strong hug. This hug was special because it warmed me from my heart to the outside. I felt so happy but so sad because I had to say good bye. He didn't just end the hug and head inside his house, he lingered with me still wrapped in his arms. He looked in my eyes with the sweetest expression that melted my heart. he gave me another quick huge, whispered goodnight in my ear, and then he had to go inside
          I had forgotten how much these simple things meant to me until that night I got to spend with him, how often do we forget how much a simple hug can do for some one. Take time to do a simple act of service, go out of your way  to cheer or help some one.

Day 4: Who would you be?

How many of the simple things in life would we miss if they disappeared?

• Do you love the smell of rain?
• Do you like the vibrant color's it leaves behind?
• Do you like the taste and smell of an orange?
• Do like feeling a pine needles even if we think they only come from Christmas trees?
• Do you like being able to hold a book in your hands and turn the pages?
• Do you like to see a small butterfly gracefully slide into and then out of our view?
• Do we like to hear the sound of a little river, or the sound of chirping birds?

             What would you do if you no longer could smell or taste and orange?  How would we know our surroundings now if we couldn't hear any sounds? What memories would you have if you could not feel the needles on a pine tree at Christmas, or the paper cuts from turning pages in a good book? What would you do do if it never rained again, if the colors faded away, if you could never see a butterfly again?

             Our creator knew how everything on this earth would work for us, he planned down to every little pouch of juice in an orange peel for us to enjoy! The calming sounds of an ocean or river are perfect for a stormy day in our lives, and God knew that we would have hard days and need to unwind in constructive ways, and he gave us ears so that we may hear all of the calming sounds around us. We have the sense of touch to help with our lack of other senses, but with out it we may not be able to learn some important lessons in our lives. If we never got a paper cut we wouldn't appreciate all the times our fingers went unscratched by the paper.
          Being able to turn a page a physically hold and read a book to help you know that it is true makes so much of a difference. Even a military commanding officer who had seen battle, but never had any interest in the LDS church recognized that the Book of Mormon is true! he said, "The authors of this book have been in many wars and Joseph Smith could not have written the Book of Mormon, because he had never seen battle. It has to be true because no detail of war is glorified as it is today."
        God has put so much thought into our lives, but do we realize all the simple things we enjoy that are very in depth. How many people sit and think through the water cycle and how it was created when it rains, or how God created light in a way that it can be refracted and reflected to create a rain bow? If the colors in the world faded, and your eye sight was gone, what would you do? 
           One of my dear friends who passed away two years ago, was blind. Devin was a very optimistic boy. One day I asked him what it was like when he felt like he had his eyes open even if he couldn't see. He told me, "I can't see like you, not the same at all. My eyes feel heavy and sad, but I can see still. I can see the vibrant colors on a basketball, just enough to know where it is, and where it is going when I pass it. I wont be able to use my eyes now on this earth but at least I can understand every thing you say, and I will never forget a voice I hear."
        Devin was an inspiration to so many people, and especially me. He had a strong testimony of the gospel, and his comment about never forgetting a voice always makes me wonder  how many other voices does he remember now that he has passed on. He must have never forgotten our God's voice. Even if we can't see, hear, smell, taste, or touch our God, doesn't mean he isn't there, it just means we have We would miss the simple things in life.

"Do you know God paints every color on a butterfly with his finger."
- The Ultimate Gift-

Day 3: The Accompaniment to my life

    Fingers flow over the piano keys like a river running out to meet the sea; with rough starts, smooth curves, and some small waterfalls on the way. Every listener interprets my song, differently, but I know it's meaning and how I want it to sound. As the latest chord of my song is played, the sound resonates and slowly fades to nothing but a memory.No one moves or breathes, but as I look to my audience, not a single viewer's eyes has let emotion slip through. One day , when the listeners understand the meaning of my song, their eye's will not be dry as the last chord of my song is played. No matter how many different languages are spoken around the world, there are two universally spoken languages that reach straight to the listener's heart; love and music. These two languages speak the loudest and strongest without using any words. A song starts out starts out in the mind, and is eventually written down onto sheet music. This sheet music contains many small marks of time signatures, key changes, and symbols. These small marks that cover the pages of sheet music may be overwhelming and confusing to the viewer  but without the small markings the song will not be the same. When my story is written down on paper it may seem overwhelming, but without the simple stories in my life I would not be who I am today. One of the simple  and yet complex ways to describe my life can be contained in one word, music. I play the piano that accompanies the story of my life.

Day 2: The Unheard Stories

Some of the most beautiful things in this life are the ones that are so simple and yet so taken for granted, but how often do we forget how different we would be without them. Friends are a simple thing in life that without knowing we have them we would feel so alone. There are so many stories that go untold of the simple things that people have done for us. If we only could tell every story and hear both sides of the story, we would understand things much better. All we have to do is take time to listen, not just with our heads, but with our hearts!

This TED Talk was shown to me, and there are so many people where I haven't told them about the "loli-pop moment" that they have had in my life. One day when my memory is perfect I will go up to every person and tell them every "loli-pop moment" they have had in my life. Enjoy your life and be the best you, that you can be! Don't  worry what others think about you, just be you and try your hardest to be true to yourself.